I found out about three different Oscar parties and opted to go with one that was at the UltraStar Cinemas in Del Mar. A friend told me he’d get my girlfriend and I in free (they were charging $15 a person).

When we walked the red carpet into the theatre, we heard the people in front of us saying how great it was that they were doing this to raise money for film students at San Diego State University. We agreed, and paid the $30. We also ended up buying more raffle tickets.

Ken and Christina: Find out who she's wearing.

^{Photo by Josh Board}

That admission also got us unlimited popcorn and soda (at movie theatres, that alone would cost you close to $30).

When we walked in, we realized we wouldn’t be able to mingle at this party. That’s because most of the crowd was sitting in their seats watching the stars show up on the big screen.

We stood near the back and talked to a few of the folks that were coming in, enjoying all the decorations hung everywhere.

My friends Ken and Christina showed up. Her dress was beautiful and sparkly. I sarcastically said, “Well tell us — who are you wearing?”

She replied, “It’s French. Lez Omyayz, or in the parlance of our times, Amvets Thrift Store. Yes, that is the exclusive designer for all my haute couture, and whenever we put on the glad rags, we are visited by Oscars Eve, our blithe Hollywood spirit.”

Someone in the back asked me about my Oscar picks. As I was telling him, Ken suggested I spend $1 on the Oscar pool. I paid, saying, “The one sure thing, is that Inglourious Basterds will win for worst use of the spellchecker.” Someone overheard this and added, “Give Precious, the movie based on the novel Push by Sapphire an award for the longest title in Oscar history.”

The show finally started, and the crowd loved Doogie Howser rocking the opening song. I heard someone nearby say, “If they wanted a song and dance number, they should’ve just gotten Billy Crystal to host again.”

During the first commercial break, everyone seemed satisfied with Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin as hosts, except for one woman that said, “I wonder if Baldwin punched any of the photographers outside. I don’t know why after that they let him still host.” A woman in her 70s said, “I didn’t think it was very nice when they said Meryl Streep had the most Oscar loses.”

I’m guessing Streep didn’t take it as an insult.

Ken threw T-shirts out to the crowd, and an employee there jokingly said, “Be careful. I don’t think liability insurance will cover us if you hit someone; or, if you throw out your shoulder.”

Ken asked the crowd, “Who wouldn’t want these Hot Tub Time Machine shirts? Come on! That movie’s bound to be a classic.”

A few raffle tickets were pulled, and we won a pair of movie tickets. Another guy won a cool hat with the old MGM logo on it. A few restaurant gift certificates went, with us winning one of those. At that point, I was so glad we didn’t slide into this event for free.

I saw a guy named Mark who I met a few years back at a film event. I remembered him because he has a wife that is blonde and a foot taller. Also, he does a number of events for filmmakers. I listened as he talked about something called the 48 Hour Film Project with someone, and another project in which you could write a five-minute screenplay and many different filmmakers would put the script together.

The show came back on, and the lights were turned down and the volume back up. It was nice not to have to listen to the commercials. I’m guessing if this was a Super Bowl event, people wouldn’t want the volume being turned down.

As everyone predicted, Christoph Waltz won the Best Supporting Actor. He had a great line about being with Oscar and Penelope Cruz being “an uberibingo” (a play on a line from his movie).

I was glad Mo’Nique won for Supporting Actress, but was turned off by her speech more than people are by her hairy legs. She said something about being glad that her award was given based on performance and not politics. I thought that was a slap in the face to the other winners.

More prizes were given away during the next set of commercials, and we won a gift certificate to a restaurant.

Ken was a great MC, with lots of funny lines. At one point, when he was reading raffle numbers, he said, “We are looking for number 204. Number 204, you left your lights on.”

A few staff members at UltraStar were walking up the aisles offering to get people refills of their popcorn and soda, so they wouldn’t miss any of the show.

There was a guitar autographed by George Clooney that was going to be given away at the end of the night. Wally, an UltraStar manager, said to the crowd, “If you don’t want it, you can put it on eBay and make a few hundred bucks on it.” Ken added, “Clooney signed the guitar but, unfortunately, he couldn’t be here tonight because he’s…in Hollywood, at the Oscars.”

When he handed out a gift certificate for Froggy’s Bar and Grill he said, “If you win this, and you’re under 21, it’s ‘grill’.”

When the Oscars started up again, I heard an argument break out in the crowd. Some loved Zoe Saldana’s dress, others hated it. I said to someone nearby, “It’s weird because they made her look beautiful as a blue alien, yet that blue and purple dress make her look bad.”

When the movie Harry Potter was mentioned, a few in the crowd applauded. I heard a voice yell out, “Nerds!” The whole atmosphere reminded me of the midnight movies where people yell things at the screen and each other.

Party attendees check their raffle tickets.

^{Photo by Josh Board}

Tyler Perry came out on stage and probably did the only funny thing he’s ever done. He said hearing his name was the only time he’ll ever hear it at the Oscars. He then said how mad he was that Alec Baldwin kept telling him backstage how much he loved him in The Blind Side.

I was happy to see T Bone Burnett win an award for the songs he did for Crazy Heart. I met him before his show with Robert Plant and Alison Krauss at Humphrey’s, and he couldn’t have been nicer. I wondered if anyone on the red carpet mistook him for James Cameron. They look like they were separated at birth. And, it’s weird that T Bone looks cool in his sunglasses, yet Lenny Kravitz doesn’t.

When the next batch of prizes were given out, a blonde producer named Eve came up. She’s involved in lots of local film projects and working with students. She said some inspirational things, and ended with, "...I tell students to keep going for it, and strive for their goals. If it doesn’t work, marry a Cameron or Spielberg.”

A guy named Joe, who runs Lestat’s, talked about student films that will be shown there in the future. And they gave out some gift certificates.

When the show came back on, there was a great tribute to John Hughes, the man behind so many of those popular 1980s films. I thought having Molly Ringwald (16 Candles, The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink) and Matthew Broderick (Ferris Bueller) were great choices, and they said some nice things. When I saw the curtain rise and show other actors that had appeared in his films, each with something to say, I thought it seemed a bit overboard (on a side note: what happened to Judd Nelson? Yikes).

I also thought they should’ve gone into the montage of people that passed away after that. That wouldn’t come until later, and boy did the crowd get angry. A few guys said, “Why didn’t they have Farrah Fawcett on the list?” When someone else said she was a TV star and not a movie star, I corrected her.

“She did Logan’s Run. She also was in Robert Duvall’s The Apostle. And, they had Michael Jackson on that list. The only movie he did was The Wiz.”

An older couple behind me said, “They didn’t have Bea Arthur on that list, either.” I leaned in to my girlfriend and said, “I would’ve never caught that on those lists. I forget who died a few weeks later.”

As much as I loved Up, I was disappointed it won for best musical score. As lovely as the piano was in it, I thought the music in Sherlock Holmes was so interesting and different, and would’ve liked it to have won.

Forrest Whitaker came out, and the same person who asked who Judd Nelson was, wondered who he was. A voice explained, “You just don’t recognize him with all the weight he’s lost. And those Obama ears.”

There was a tribute to horror movies, which I felt came out of left field. I was even more perplexed when I saw movies like Edward Scissorhands and Young Frankenstein – neither of which were horror films. I also couldn’t figure out why we saw multiple clips of Pyscho, The Exorcist, and a few other movies, instead of using that space to show horror movies that didn’t get any clips.

The crowd experienced a real-life horror moment when up on the screen came a scroll that told us remains were found near Pala, and it was confirmed to be Amber Dubois.

During the next commercial break, Ken came up to the microphone and said a few somber words about it, and wisely chose to skip giving away prizes at that break.

I looked down at my Oscar ballot and saw most of my picks were correct. I then realized two women were nominated from Up in the Air, and neither of them was as good as the actress in The Messenger. I also realized that a few of my Avatar picks probably weren’t going to win. The Hurt Locker was sneaking up on people.

Ben Stiller, who sometimes bombs at these events, knocked it out of the park dressed as a Na’vi from Avatar. He even spoke the language, throwing in, “I’m the king of the world,” in English.

Aside from Mo’Nique, I was really impressed with the speeches people gave. They were staying away from politics, and they were often funny and heartfelt.

A guy that won the animated short Oscar in a film that had over a thousand famous logos, said, “No logos were harmed in the making of my movie. It took me six years to make. So, when I work on a regular film…you can expect to see that in 36 years.”

As I looked around the crowd, I noticed a guy I’ve seen at many concerts at House of Blues and the Belly Up Tavern. He calls himself “Viet,” and is always animated at the merchandise booth when he talks about the various bands he’s seeing. He seemed most excited when shirts were thrown out to the crowd.

I was talking with a few people about the various presenters that came out. We all agreed that it was hit and miss, like it is most years. The funniest pair was Tina Fey and Robert Downey Jr. giving out a screenplay award. They talked about who is more important between the writer and the actor.

I always hate the dance numbers, but this time I enjoyed them. My girlfriend and I speculated that it had to do with seeing it on the big screen.

Usually I don’t care for all the songs they do at the Oscars, but this year, we only had Jeff Bridges perform. Although I loved the two songs nominated from The Prince and the Frog, and think it would’ve been great to see Dr. John and Randy Newman perform them.

You can always count on Sean Penn and Barbara Streisand to bring some bizarre stuff to the table.

Streisand was giving out the award for Best Director and talked about how it could be the first woman to ever win it, or the first African-American. Now, I think Streisand was robbed when she didn’t get nominated for The Prince of Tides, but still. There have been four women nominated previously. And I’m guessing there are so many more men that direct than women. When Kathryn Bigelow won, Streisand exclaimed, “It’s about time!”

My girlfriend pointed out, “That poor guy who directed Precious. When she said, ‘It’s about time,’ he may have thought she was referring to him winning.”

Most of the crowd was surprised when she immediately grabbed her second Oscar when The Hurt Locker upset Avatar for Best Picture. She wouldn’t let go of an Oscar as Steve Martin tried to hold one, and she couldn’t stop shaking. It was a great moment to watch.

I liked seeing multiple actors and actresses brought out, and saying something about the actors nominated in the various categories. That was a classy and very personal touch.

When the show ended, a few of the SDSU filmmakers were going to be showing their movies. I went to the bathroom and, as I walked back, in someone said, “They were looking for you.”

I immediately thought I had won the George Clooney autographed guitar. And as I excitedly sauntered to the front, I was told I won movie tickets for only missing one pick in the Oscar race.

A minute later, the guy that won the Clooney guitar walked by me saying, “I’m going to have to get guitar lessons now.”

I left the theatre knowing how the director of Precious felt.

(Want to invite Josh Board to crash your party? Drop him a line at josh@sandiego.com.)