Dear Alondra,

I'm a recently divorced 39-year-old woman. While I'm relatively new to the dating scene, I've been trying out all sorts of things that my married self wouldn't have thought possible -- like actually going out and having fun with my girlfriends at bars, dance clubs, etc. And of course, while doing this I've met a few suitors. There's one man in particular that is wonderful: he's caring, kind, has a real job that earns him good money and he is very attractive. There's only one problem: he is only 26! At first, I thought he was in his thirties and I don't really look my age, but I've noticed that once people find out our age difference, they call me a Cougar and make other annoying comments. He says they are just being funny and that he loves spending time with me and I shouldn't care what others think or say about us if we make each other happy. He's also the first one to tell people about the age difference as if he's proud, and prior to being in this position I would've agreed, but now I'm just not sure. I don't like the strange looks or the double standard that comes with dating a younger man, and I don't know if I should break it off or not. Part of me feels like I should just enjoy our time together, and the other says I should let him go to find someone his own age. Please help!

Thanks so much,

Dating Dilemma

Dear Dilemma,

I love that you mention the obvious double standard that affects women who choose to date younger men versus all the men who date much younger women. I see it all the time! An older man comes in with a beautiful young woman on his arm, and all he gets are looks of admiration and practically a high-five from other men. It's like this mandatory nod of approval and "You go, stud!" attitude is okay, but God forbid, an older woman stroll in with a handsome younger man on her arm and the first thing you might hear is, "How lovely, you brought your mother? Does she need to be seated near the restroom?" It is such an incredible double standard that I am shocked no one is outraged. Thankfully, things have gotten a bit better, but there is still more work to be done.

Let's stop for one second and think about Hugh Hefner, a man who is known worldwide for being a Playboy and having gobs of barely legal women surrounding him at all times. While I love his magazine and have respect for him because, well, he is an iconic genius, I don't think it's fair that he can cruise around trying to marry girls that are not even a quarter his age, while women get skewered and ridiculed for dating men that are merely 10 years their junior. There is a blatant discrepancy and I don't think it should be tolerated by any self-respecting woman. Now let's look at Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher or Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon. These women are much older than their beaus, and they dealt with a lot of crap when their relationships were first made public. Why? Both women were accused of being Sugar Mamas because of their money and talent. My answer to that is, who cares? If they are happy and not hurting anyone, why does it matter and why does society frown upon this? It is so ass backwards I have to laugh! Frankly, as long as someone is over 18 they should be able to make the decison about who and when to date, not their peers, not society and certainly not the tabloids. Which by the way reminds me...why didn't we hear much about Sean Penn who is 50+ dating Scarlett Johansson a gorgeous actress that isn't even close to 30? I guess he must have a great PR firm...

The way I see your situation is that it is time to drop all that baggage and live your life for the only person that really matters, doll, you! You are beautiful whatever age you are, and if this younger man is enamored with all of your complexity, wisdom and sensuality, I say why the hell not rejoice!? Enjoy the love and affection this guy gives you, but keep in mind that you must be honest with him if you don't want a serious relationship. Considering your recent divorce, this is probably the last thing you want. However, just because he is younger than you doesn't mean he deserves to have his heart broken. Keep things real and let him know that you enjoy his company, but want to take things slow. Also, let him know that while you're not ashamed of the age difference, you don't want him to publicize it all the time. You can tell him that you don't like all the "Cougar Town" jokes and not everybody needs to know anyway. Remember that you've been through enough and you deserve all the happiness the world has to offer no matter what age you are. Wishing you the best in love and life...

xoxo,

Alondra