Dear Alondra,

I met a guy 9 months ago on a dating website. We started talking about wanting to connect with someone and find love again. Even though we hit it off right away, after 3 months of dating and spending almost every night together, he suddenly said he doesn't believe in "labels." When I told him I had strong feelings for him he said, “I do too, but I can't be your boyfriend right now. I can’t commit." This, despite him treating me like a girlfriend and acting like a jealous boyfriend every time I went out with friends! After 6 months and countless fights over his partying, drinking and hanging out with other girls, I told him I wanted out of the relationship and needed to move on. He played the "but you’re my best friend" card and made statements like, "I’m miserable without you!" I was about to leave him, but he said, "Let’s commit!"

Well, I saw no difference in his actions: He would still not call me his girlfriend and his profile on Facebook looked like he was a happy bachelor. We stayed together for another 3 months, and after 9 months together, I told him that I changed my relationship status on Facebook and that I wanted to be “in a relationship” with him. I also sent him the request online. After an awesome evening together the night before I thought this is it! However, his reaction blew me away! He texted me, "Do you think I'm the moon? So, now you can stick a flag up my ass and claim me?!” That followed by him declining my request. When I confronted him he said, "I didn’t get anything on Facebook from you." Not only is he denying we are in a relationship, but he is lying straight to my face about sending him the request. Then, that night he said he wasn’t going to go drinking on Cinco de Mayo and instead wanted to start working out and working on himself. I found out he did go out with three girls while I was working and he posted pictures of him with them all over his Facebook profile.

I fell hard for this guy and I’ve never been in love before, so I don’t know if it's love or just the fact that I can’t have him the way I want to. I know I deserve so much better and many times I've said he drains the life out of me, but I still think about him every day. I know I shouldn't give him another chance because we had more drama than good times together. I guess my question is, am I making a big deal about wanting him to change his relationship status and give me some credit?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I’m not the type of advice girl that belittles another person due to their human mistakes in the name of love. While in love, many of us have been practically driven to the brink of insanity, questioned our actions and most likely made a fool of ourselves, I know I have. However, I’m sorry, but in your situation I’m going to have take a strong hand! Doll, this guy was honest with you from the get-go. He said he couldn’t be your boyfriend. As many of us have done before you, you fell victim to the classic love trap. Meeting a guy that rocks your world but won’t give you what you need and deserve. So, you take the little he will give you in hopes that he will soon realize that all he needs is your love to change his ways and settle down with you. We have ALL done this. The problem is, he is not ready to change or else he would have done so when he agreed to commit months ago.

I also find it very interesting that you’re so focused on this detail regarding his Facebook profile, but you painfully describe how badly he treats you and his blatant infidelities. Frankly, who cares what it says on Facebook if he treats you like dirt in real life? I do understand that this seems to be the new forum for life as we know it, but this is so sad and I truly disagree! Relationships must happen in real life with real people sharing real feelings, not living their lives through Facebook. I certainly don’t think the definitive moment in your relationship should be whether or not he posts it on his profile, but despite all the issues between you two, his inability to publicly announce you as his lady in a social forum has become the last straw. What you need to focus on is how he disrespects you and your heart. This will help you cut ties with him for good. From one romantic girl to another, I want you to know that it is clearly time to end this relationship. This selfish jerk does not deserve any more chances. You need to come out of this nightmare and let him go. It will hurt for quite some time, but everyday will be a bit easier, I promise. Also, please take note of the things you want and don’t want for future relationships. You loved him a lot and learned a lot and you’re young; if he gets his shit together later, he can always find you on Facebook! Good luck and don’t forget that any man would be lucky to love you as much as you love him.

xoxo,

Alondra