Dear Alondra,

I’ve been having a long distance online relationship for about 8 months and it was going amazingly until we recently met in person. Unfortunately, there were no sparks whatsoever and now I don’t know what to do! He’s a great guy and we seem to get along so well. We have the same values and interests, but I just didn’t feel attracted to him because he didn’t really look like his photos, and he was just annoying. I feel badly, but think I should get out of this relationship. What do you suggest I say?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

That sounds like such a bummer! Some dating sites match you with potential partners, but that overwhelming feeling of attraction is either there or not. Did he do the classic online BS move of sending you old pics making him look 10 years younger and sexier? If so, you are well within your rights to say something. Relationships need to be based on a foundation of trust regardless of whether they’re online or not. Most people manipulate their photos a tad, but outright fabrication or selling you on a much younger photo is not cool. Same goes for if he lied about his age, his employment status, and important aspects of his looks such as weight or height. These things could all be considered dealbreakers by many.

This is also someone that you have been chatting with for months and yet something was so off that you found them annoying. Sometimes this can be attributed to first “real date” nerves or his being overzealous to meet you, but it cannot be ignored. Also, if he was way too clingy or weirdly demanding then you have to be kind of cautious. You ask whether you should end it with him, and the answer is yes, but you don’t want him turning creeper on you, so you’ve got to let him down gently.

To me it honestly sounds like you tried to like him, but realized that he was not the right person for you and to be kind to yourself and him need to say so as soon as possible. There’s no sense in waiting or carrying on some online lovers façade. That’ll only drag it out and make things worse. Just say that while you like him you were surprised and saddened to find that you don’t feel the chemistry needed to make a relationship work offline and you’d like to just be friends. You can even keep in touch as long as he knows that you‘re not interested romantically. He can either like it or not, but you should stick to your guns, know what you want and if he's not it then move on. Best of luck!

Xoxo,

Alondra