Bob Watson has spoken. The suspensions and fines have been levied. And what have we all learned from the aftermath of Saturday’s shadow boxing clinic at Wrigley Field? Irrationality and Major League baseball are inseparable and sickeningly synonymous.

Watson, baseball’s dean of discipline and chum to commissioner Bud Selig, suspended the Padres’ Chris Young and the Cubs’ Derek Lee five games apiece for their parts in the bench-clearing melee and fined the pair an undisclosed amount (You can be sure the figure is in the neighborhood of what an average public school teacher makes in a year. So in other words, no big deal to either player).

Locked in a classic pitcher’s duel in the fourth inning, the 6-foot-10 Young plunked the 6-foot-5 Lee in the shoulder with a 1-2 fastball. So far no big deal, right? Bean balls are as much a part of the game as cleats, caps, and salary arbitration. You send nine guys to stand inches away from a plate for 125 or so pitches and someone is bound to get hit every once in a while.

Had Lee taken a moment to produce some rational thought while tending to his boo-boo in the dirt at Wrigley, he may have been able to piece together the following facts: Neither side had yet allowed a hit in the ball game. There is no way Young would have just given away a base like that in such a situation. Nor is Chris Young the type of guy to go headhunting. The baby faced 27-year-old is tamer than a hamster. If Young wanted to send a message to Lee or the Cubs, he would have deposited a four-seamer squarely in the first baseman’s ribcage.

Lee jawed away and eventually threw a poorly executed right cross in Young’s general direction. The punch, had it not missed by four to five feet, had the potential to devastate. Not being familiar with his family’s genealogy, I can’t be entirely sure but I don’t think Chris Young is Superman. If he were the Man of Steel he could just stand there and brush off a couple of haymakers like they were pesky gnats. But he’s not. So he did what any red-blooded male between the ages of 2 and 102 would do - he fought back.

Where else in America does acting in self-defense warrant a consequence? But maybe I’m not asking the most important question here. How on Earth did opposing pitcher Carlos Zambrano who acted like an escaped ape, snarling with shirt ripped open and pants falling down, get to stay in the game while Young was promptly ejected? Why was he not fined for his actions?

Jake Peavy and Brian Giles were also fined an undisclosed amount on Monday for their “actions” after the initial punches were thrown. Peavy, policing the field like Steve of Chicago’s own “Jerry Springer Show”, was only trying to help restore order and protect his teammate by restraining Lee. Giles will pay just because he walked on the field while being on the disabled list.Injustice rules in baseball and the way it handles incidents of this nature.

If it’s not simple incompetence that produces suspensions and fines like this, then it must be some awful combination of pig-headedness, pride, and poor judgement. Isn’t that how Bud Selig became commissioner in the first place?