So, this is my question: Once a teenage vampire, always a teenage vampire?

Consider the case at hand. Stefan Salvatore is a vampire, centuries old, yet he never ages. He's 17 forever.

Does that mean he's doomed to stay forever in high school? Now THAT's a fate worse than death.

Nevertheless, that seems to be Stefan's situation in "The Vampire Diaries," the CW network's latest attempt to lure teen devotees of the occult, particularly those held rapt by L.J. Smith's series of novels. ("The Vampire Diaries" premieres at 8 p.m. Thursday, Sept. 10, on XETV/Channel 6. Another CW drama, the Fox retread "Melrose Place," makes its entrance at 9 p.m. Tuesday, also on Channel 6.)

Then comes the question of Stefan Salvatore's ethnicity. Not that I'm prejudiced, but -- an Italian vampire? Aren't vampires supposed to come from Transylvania? I know Count Dracula did. Somehow, an Italian vampire doesn't seem quite right. What's next? A Transylvanian gondoleer?

Aside from all the blood-sucking, "The Vampire Diaries" is another CW off-the-shelf, hormonally enriched teen drama, juiced up a bit with a vampirific back story. The two main nonvampire characters, brother and sister, don't even have to deal with bothersome parents; their folks were killed in a traffic accident (which may not have been an accident at all).

They're Elena Gilbert (Nina Dobrev), 17, and her 15-year-old brother, Jeremy (Steven R. McQueen, grandson of THAT Steve McQueen), living with an aunt, coping with the loss of their parents while they deal with life at Mystic Falls High School in Virginia. Stefan apparently has made his home in the Confederacy for quite a while. When a teacher asks a question involving a Civil War battle, Stefan responds with the authority of someone who remembers the event first-hand. Or maybe he just knows the subject because he's been in high school for 150 years.

Child labor laws being as fussy as they are, the actors are noticeably beyond high school age. But nobody ever says, "Hey, dude, what are you doing in high school? Aren't you way old? Like, say, 25?"

Plots have to do with who likes whom, who can get a date and who can't, who's mean and who's nice, who's playing around and who isn't. The usual teen stuff, except with vampires. Stefan is trying to be a good vampire, resisting his thirst for blood like an alcoholic swearing off gin. He's played by Paul Wesley, who may well have been chosen for his dark, brooding eyes, set so deep he seems to be peering out from inside a cave.

Stefan also has a brother, Damon (Ian Somerhalder), the outwardly charming yet unrepentantly bad vampire. Damon returns after a long absence, apparently arriving in the form of a black bird, taking on human shape, then reversing form again. (Another change from tradition. Back in the day, vampires became bats.)

Then everybody goes to an outdoor party, and a girl wandering in the woods gets attacked. Chalk one up for the evil vampire.

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Having successfully dusted off "Beverly Hills 90210," the CW is trying the same trick with another Fox oldie, "Melrose Place."

Thomas Calabro and Laura Leighton return from the original cast to reprise their roles as Dr. Michael Mancini and Sydney Andrews, but otherwise it's a fresh body of bodies beautiful in the familiar apartment courtyard setting. Katie Cassidy, playing abrasive publicist Ella Simms, may have been picked for her uncanny resemblance to original cast member Heather Locklear.

Speaking of bodies, the story gets off to a quick start with the discovery of a bloody one in the swimming pool. Quite soon, a lie is volunteered suspiciously quickly to distract police from an obvious suspect.

There are affairs aplenty in the new "Melrose," plots within plots, beautiful faces and beautiful cars, and hardly a twist or a character worth caring about.

What's next from the CW? "Married ... With Grandchildren"?